my art practice.
since 2007 when I decided to come back to painting, I've been happily working, never doubting what I'm doing is the correct choice.
now, 10 years later. am I still on the right track? I'm beginning to wonder. is it a LARK? . is making art and wanting it to b my full time life a LARK? I'm not sure how I want to take this remark. I can think it positive, as in I'm a lark-like artist and not think too much. however, once said and heard, it's tunneled into my heart, creating doubt in my mind about my art practice. is it all a lark? what a double meaning word!
in my studio, all the shiny brightness of my conviction has desaturated a bit. my paintings doesn't look so good anymore. I feel lost.
do I continue on this path?


2016 in rear view mirror

it's 2017. how time flies by each year. the next thing i know, i'll b reaching my 48th bday in oct!

a lot has happened since my last blog post. i mean, A LOT... last may, i wasn't even feeling the election year thing at all. but then, donald trump jumped out of nowhere and actually became the nominated candidate for the republican party! i know in SF, everyone i knew became nervous that he may have the chance to beat hilary clinton. i even volunteered at her hq to do texting, to try to get ppl out there to go vote. in the end, only 54% of eligible voters voted :( and the sad end of 2016 was that trump is going to b our next president :(  how can this b? i was so depressed, i think most of citizens of SF were depressed. i woke up the next day hoping it would all go away. alas, it's not. i cannot even watch or listen to any kind of news now, because he's out there being a man-baby, twitting away and being the most annoying person out there.


brief note about posting

according to artist guidebook, i need to keep a blog. i had stopped blogging for a while now, just because twitter/ Instagram/ Facebook sort of took over this process. and this online social media thing just takes up so much time to manage, let alone i still have to apply to all sorts of artist calls, etc. i just end up spending all my time here, buried by the computer stuff!
so i'm blogging again. maybe?

instead of starting all over with a new blog, i will pick up where i left off with "travel by night" and turn this into my art-like blog. or try.


i picked up Art Inc by Lisa Congdon from the library. and her first advise is for me to declare. I am an Artist. this is important, because for me, i've always thought the statement is quite pompous. but she's right, i've been an artist for all of my life, why shouldn't i embrace it. so, on this blog that i've not written in forever, i'm stating this fact. admit it to myself. yay!



it's been a long time since i've posted here. after a while, i find it tough to manage so many social medias. kind of wish it's all linked up somehow.
as many friends have known or seen, i've been participating on #the100dayproject on instagram since march. i had been wanting to focus more on my art in the past years, but have always gotten distracted by everything in life. i've not been the most productive artist around. then this year, after elle luna's inspiring talk on creative mornings in SF, i was determined to get my act together. this online world of artists helped kept me going.
i've done 100 watercolors and now i'm onto 100 drawings for coloring book project. i'm at 183 as of today. for someone who used to produce 5 paintings a year on average, this is strangely productive for me. i'm really happy to say. it's an exercise to get me to just make, i'm not over-thinking things or worrying what the discourse on painting is out there, or if people hate it cuz it's too "decorative" . cuz i like it and i can work anywhere. besides these, i've also made a few block prints, but that's still work in progress.

so what to do with all of these things i've made?
i've decided they'll all go up for sale at a flat rate of US$ 200/each.
the watercolors and the drawings. u'll have to email me directly and indicate the day number.
i've also made coloring books out of the drawings and posted them for sale on etsy, along with gorgeous greeting cards i've made out of the watercolors. if not there, u can email me directly too.
the calendar will b available next week! it's printed on super nice card stock with laser cut-out incorporated.
i've also began to participate in a few craft fairs with wayne at tofufu. it's been fun but tough work. learning to sell ur on wares. next up will be the renegade in sf, then etsy in sf then the uniqueLA.
phew. a lot to consider. making and selling, posting. online life takes up half my days as i'm trying to pull everything together.


never sorry + marwencol

today, we watched 2 documentary films on artist and their moment.
 Ai Wei Wei: NEVER Sorry

2 very different artists on very different subjects on 2 diff continents.
but each has something to say... b it social or personal. they r all saying something important. something that resonates within each of us.

aiweiwei is on the grand scale of social and political issues. in ths country and other "western" ones, we r not so appreciative of our personal freedom. nor r we so aware. cuz  it's something we really have taken for granted. there isn't an imminent threat that if we tweet about our opinions, ther is an highly likely chance we might "disappear" or b house-arrested. i'm very touched by this film and how much it's shared to me of an artist i like but hasn't in-depth knowledge of.
i first chanced upon his sunflower seeds exhibit at the Tate Modern. and i had thought, wow, what an amazing guy. here is an artist with a lot to say. but, i didn't do a thorough research of him nor follow his tweets. then when i saw his movie, i was so moved and shocked. where was i last year when he disappeared? taken by the gov't. under house arrest. fined for tax evasion? what??!!
but, i've known this is what his gov't does to its citizens, when it wants to have an excuse to charge them with something. they charge u with tax evasion. nothing like money cripple a citizen. if u can't pay up, then u r put in jail. u r not in jail for "political" reasons, therefore, ther isn't human rights issue is there? how clever.

—nothing certain in life but death and taxes.

Marwencol (mark, wendy, colleen)

this is a man, whom, after a violent attack on his person, tries to put his life back and make sense of it thru his own world of dolls. his narrative is much more personal but also just as interesting and valid, i find. and though he didn't train as an artist or had the intention to show his work to the world, his world also is just as beautiful. and very inspiring. not coy nor ironic. simply is. and that is very hard to find these days in the art world, or anywhere. everyone has a voice, yet with internet, we r so aware that we r putting it out ther for ppl to read, discover, discuss, etc. it's like, u r aware that u r being photographed, so it's intended for an audience. whereas mark, well, its origins were personal. his world was himself. his storyline that is his whole since the attack. it's his own therapy but since it's shared to the world, i think many of us were able "share" in his loneliness n his stories. it's beautiful all the same.

i'm not doing these films justice. anyway, just watch the films.



it's been a long long time since i've written anything down... too many thoughts to figure out. emotions i can't pinpoint. ever since the failed ivf, i mean, a complete failure that even the dr suggested not going further, i've not known what to write, how to put down how i felt exactly. and then, ther'r the ppl that r ever encouraging, suggesting this dr n other dr they hv known  frnd's hv used n had success at. or other suggests that once it's over, i'd get pregnant without even trying. it's been nearly 1/2 yr now. i think the fact is, there's not gonna b a child. n now, i just hv to deal with it.
i think the worst part is, i can't help the inner feeling of jealousy n envy whenever i hear another frnd or someone nearby getting pregn left-n-rt. it's a feeling i've had to suppress cuz it isn't a good feeling. i don't want to end up being one of those women who hate or gets jaded. i mean, nvr thought ths was in my plans, that i'd want a child n hv my body tell me NO! i think that's the worst, having ur body tell u NO... like there's no choice for me — i hv no control... that i'm not going to get what i wanted n just hv to deal with it. this is not easy to deal with tho. how do u naturally b happy for others that announces with pride, their pregnancy? n not feel jealous or envy? or b pitied upon by others who tread carefully around u abt ths subject?
yes, maybe going to c a psychologist or a support group will help. then again, i prefer to deal with it myself.
it's a training for the inner self to try to align with the outer self, no?

on other note.
i am moving back to soCal ths sat. flying to palm springs for a girls nite with my cat. then home to my parents'
we'll try to fig out our future elsewhere. pdx is just not quite for me.
i've packed up my studio n today i will go n rtn the keys. somehow, when i started here, there was just a box, n over the span of 1.5 yr, i've managed to accumulate a bunch of things. amazing how as humans, we tend to collect things. then manage to move from 1 spot to another w/all these things. n no matter how much u try n try to keep it minimal, there r just still a lot of "stuff"
anyway, until we actually have a place to move-TO. i've managed to absorb all the things back into our 1 bedroom condo. it's looking a bit crowded, i  must say.
still, this is so exciting that we r moving out of here. the gray n wetness just... depresses me. altho i'll b missing my new frnds n the food here. o i do really love the resto scenes here. so many choices n all so nearby. no traffic to deal with. good public transport, this is a very walkable town. n having a studio for such low cost, that, i prob cannot find in LA or OC...but o, i can't seem to trade all this for the SUN n warmth.
there r still a few loose ends to tie up here n there; i am ready. i will set things up right away in oc to start back at my freelance gigs for work n try to fig out places i can possibly show my art work. n fig out where i can set up temp studio space n start working. maybe, just maybe, i can learn to b teacher assistant at the art class where sean goes n c if i can b an art teacher (part-time).
ths yr, i also want to maybe attend a yoga retreat? maybe, it's been something in my mind to do. learn to surf, really surf. get back o rock-climbing (gym) find another dance place like bodyvox (my stretch class), etc.

i wanna get back to being playful again.
was in whistler with my sister and her boyz. seeing them always cheers me up.

another goal we hv, since we r going to b child-less, would b to spend more time w/our families n help out with the kids. play play play, that is wht i kno best wht n how to do. so why not play w/the kids in the family? n maybe teach too.
o speaking of play, kiss is wondering why i'm sitting here for so long n not playing with HER.
so signing off.