9.25.2011

a surgery

woke up this morning n the the uncomfort in my tummy area came back to me. o right, i had surgery. tht was this past friday, i went in to the dr's office for a very small surgery (removing the eggs from my ovaries), yet it still requires a full  body anesthesia. it's the strangest sensation, being in a hospital bed, u r being wheeled around. the perspective from ther is so.."this is not me n wher i am supposed to b" sensation. the nurses n drs r really nice n gentle with u. they try to explain every single thing they r doing, then they show u the little needle with the drugs n say, "now we'r going to inject u with this" n b4 u kno it, ur lite r turned out. everything else that happens during tht time, u r not a participant of, at least u hv no memories of it.
the time btwn tht n when u wake up can b really long or just a mere few hrs, but the anesthesia screwed it all up for u, cuz it's all lost. to me, it was just a mere flash. i woke up, n someone has already gone into my body n removed the little eggs. i don't even feel where the incisions were. then the pain starts. o yes, tho my mind has no recollection of wht happened, my body sure felt it, hard. the drugs n pain killers wears off n the insides of ur body is screaming out at u. someone has invaded in interior landscape i had held so sacred n closed to myself. every movement i make, i can feel the bruise from inside-out. i'm bloated n i hv to walk around like an old lady. no running or sudden movements. u realized how much of ur core muscles r taken out. when u use it, it's affected. even trying to sit up, u can feel the bruise inside n the pain. the simplest coughing or laugh, even speaking louder take a toll out of ur core. every twist n turn of my torso, i can feel the shift of my tummy, like someone has shaken loose my insides. altho the dr tells u tht it's a simple procedure, but they never tell u how much recovery time it takes. i had thought, ok, going home now n by sunday, i'll b fine again like normal. but no. i don't think so. nothing is going to b normal...
ther were 15 btw, then yesterday they say, only 2 fertilized. n we'll hv to wait n c if they survive til wed for the transfer. cross my fingers. it's tough to keep a positive attitude but am gonna try. this time til wed, the waiting to find out is dragging. longest wait of wondering ever.
wait, i was just going to write about the strangest feeling i had about the experience of being in a surgery. i digress. guess i'm just rambling on now. the fresh thoughts i had this morning upon waking is now a jumbled mess.

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