1.06.2010

mirror mirror on the wall...

from the moment i stepped into the show (my thinking spot) all these thoughts came to my head. thoughts i wanted to write here. let me list it down now cuz i've been trying really hard not to forget them.
-what would u change physically, 1 part o ur body?
-with friends everywher, o all kinds, do u hv a person u spill ur heart out to?
wow, tht took some effort to remember n write down. btwn going into the shower n stepping out n getting dressed, the whole process takes up some time, not enough to do many things, but the brainwaves r funny n fast. talking in ur own head seem rather fast process n the subjects roam from 1 to another. the 1s i wanna capture, most o it, GONE! like the things i meant to write yesterday i only got to point on PM n forgotten t/rest o things.

-b4 t/shower, i was online, chatting w/my family in cali n twn. when u hv a camera up n u c t/other person, ther's an image o urself too. n tht's when i c my face most. i don't look into t/mirror in t/bathroom much, but t/camera, nothing like an moving image to draw ur attention. i can c my face n things i would criticize about. t/age lines, t/loose facial muscles, limp hair, etc. i'm comfortable enough w/it, tho u just can't help but look at ur self when it's in front o u. guess it's some form o vanity. then i started wondering, as i stepped into my thinking spot, everyone has something he/she don't like about their body, whether it's face or other parts. over the yrs, a person's list my grow longer or shorter. if u can name 1, just 1 to fix, wht will it b? i wonder if it's a question i should post on fb? i may do just tht. i want to write it down it to think it thru b4 i do just tht. my own list, depending on t/day, has grown both long n short, but 1 thing, ths 1 thing, is cosmetically on a part o me tht most ppl won't c. it's bothered me since i've became an adult n hv grown aware o my body's physical boundary. i guess in ths way, it's about self image as a woman. i wonder if it's fixable w/modern technology?

then my thoughts continued to wonder thru many things, it's a train o thoughts, linking yet not quite. 1 thought stimulates thoughts on another subject, all the while trying very hard not to forget ths 1st thought, holding onto it like a balloon on a string. like things to do today. what's on my list?

-ah. about heart to heart. i'm here in pdx. it's not a town where 1 can make frnds easily, n if u don't hv a reg job to go to, like me, then it's even tougher. i've tried taking classes, etc, still, ppl r nice n frndly when u meet, taking it further isn't easy. ther's clicks n networks o ppl, but u hv to b here for longer time to b able to really connect. it's not all tht easy like in tpe, nyc, or cali. so besides a handful, i mainly connect w/my frnds n family online. tks to modern tech, being alone isn't too bad cuz u'r not really alone... really. we hv so many frnds floating out ther. then it occurs to me to pose ths question... o all the frnds out ther u greet n hala with, hang out n do stuff or just blab, who do u turn to to spill ur guts out with? i mean a tru heart to heart talk about things that worry u n make u sad or angry? r u tht someone for ur frnds? just thoughts tht r random. in our lifetime, in comparison to someone 100 yrs ago, we would hv met so many times more ppl, making way more frnds n acquaintances, yet, wht r t/quality time spent to kno ea/other well? we'r lucky ther's many ways to keep up t/communication; do u take t/time n energy to keep it going? do i? i think i am trying. or it should b a goal in 2010. i will try.

oops, stomach calling again.
things to do today... psd the announcement foto, organize, research on wedding thing...(sigh), take time to draw, research gallery to visit for 1st thurs, fig out how to design A's website, register for french class n painting class. don't kno how many i will actually get done, since internet always get in t/way, esp the gaming, haha. but at least, i got the blog part done.

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