hair line or cellulose line, artists tht inspires

it's been a while since i've posted any work here... well, i've not been doing too much new work. it's been very slow. maybe i've just been preoccupied, or just incubating? not sure which is which. maybe i feel as if the lines has to change for some reason? i kno it doesn't really. but what i'm seeing n experiencing, being in new town, with so many new things around me to observer, absorb, collect n regroup. it's starting to take some shape, i think. still don't kno wher ths is going just yet. i'm just glad it's moving. i was worried tht i've no longer got anything to create. tht my lines r old n farty now. maybe it is. i'm not sure, but so far, i'm liking it.

ok, so now i wanna talk about 2 artists tht i'm fascinated by recently. one is Aubrey Bearsey from over 100 yrs ago. a very young artist who only made BW work n died at the young age o 25. he was illustrating literatures n myths. i've chanced by his poster in an exhibit at musée d'orsay last nov. n finally got hold o a book on him at the library. need to read further.
and the other guy is a contemporary man, Kahinde Wiley. his paintings r figurative w/decoration n ref of the pose referring to historical renaissance art. but with current concerns n issues. i need to do further research on him as well.



2day, it's rainy like ths past weeks n will continue on. the clr o t sky is as gray as my heart. darkened n wanders. wondering about the idea... space. words said, spaces expanded. i don't kno how to deal with ths. does relationship always end up ths way? the spaces in-btwn r not so scalable. things said r misunderstood, redirected back w/finger pointed at me. is it all me? am i too much for ppl? wanting to spend time becomes crowding out someone. in a town wher frnds rn't around n work to go to, no things to do cuz it's winter. wher do i go? wher do i put my self? can not b at home waiting. after 1 yr, it's becoming tiring for the other. is it necessary to b out n about? but wher to? wht for? the plan is to move, so things r on hold. take classes? but i'm going away. yes i should go away for a while. do my own things. give more spaces. cuz exhausting someone was never my intention. the idea o space is so undefinable. what does it mean? hi, hello, goodbye? or silence. or not to hang out? i don't get it. if a person needs to do their thing, then do it. i don't need someone to do everything w/me. i was just being considerate. but in the end, its crowding n exhausting. perhaps i...


mirror mirror on the wall...

from the moment i stepped into the show (my thinking spot) all these thoughts came to my head. thoughts i wanted to write here. let me list it down now cuz i've been trying really hard not to forget them.
-what would u change physically, 1 part o ur body?
-with friends everywher, o all kinds, do u hv a person u spill ur heart out to?
wow, tht took some effort to remember n write down. btwn going into the shower n stepping out n getting dressed, the whole process takes up some time, not enough to do many things, but the brainwaves r funny n fast. talking in ur own head seem rather fast process n the subjects roam from 1 to another. the 1s i wanna capture, most o it, GONE! like the things i meant to write yesterday i only got to point on PM n forgotten t/rest o things.

-b4 t/shower, i was online, chatting w/my family in cali n twn. when u hv a camera up n u c t/other person, ther's an image o urself too. n tht's when i c my face most. i don't look into t/mirror in t/bathroom much, but t/camera, nothing like an moving image to draw ur attention. i can c my face n things i would criticize about. t/age lines, t/loose facial muscles, limp hair, etc. i'm comfortable enough w/it, tho u just can't help but look at ur self when it's in front o u. guess it's some form o vanity. then i started wondering, as i stepped into my thinking spot, everyone has something he/she don't like about their body, whether it's face or other parts. over the yrs, a person's list my grow longer or shorter. if u can name 1, just 1 to fix, wht will it b? i wonder if it's a question i should post on fb? i may do just tht. i want to write it down it to think it thru b4 i do just tht. my own list, depending on t/day, has grown both long n short, but 1 thing, ths 1 thing, is cosmetically on a part o me tht most ppl won't c. it's bothered me since i've became an adult n hv grown aware o my body's physical boundary. i guess in ths way, it's about self image as a woman. i wonder if it's fixable w/modern technology?

then my thoughts continued to wonder thru many things, it's a train o thoughts, linking yet not quite. 1 thought stimulates thoughts on another subject, all the while trying very hard not to forget ths 1st thought, holding onto it like a balloon on a string. like things to do today. what's on my list?

-ah. about heart to heart. i'm here in pdx. it's not a town where 1 can make frnds easily, n if u don't hv a reg job to go to, like me, then it's even tougher. i've tried taking classes, etc, still, ppl r nice n frndly when u meet, taking it further isn't easy. ther's clicks n networks o ppl, but u hv to b here for longer time to b able to really connect. it's not all tht easy like in tpe, nyc, or cali. so besides a handful, i mainly connect w/my frnds n family online. tks to modern tech, being alone isn't too bad cuz u'r not really alone... really. we hv so many frnds floating out ther. then it occurs to me to pose ths question... o all the frnds out ther u greet n hala with, hang out n do stuff or just blab, who do u turn to to spill ur guts out with? i mean a tru heart to heart talk about things that worry u n make u sad or angry? r u tht someone for ur frnds? just thoughts tht r random. in our lifetime, in comparison to someone 100 yrs ago, we would hv met so many times more ppl, making way more frnds n acquaintances, yet, wht r t/quality time spent to kno ea/other well? we'r lucky ther's many ways to keep up t/communication; do u take t/time n energy to keep it going? do i? i think i am trying. or it should b a goal in 2010. i will try.

oops, stomach calling again.
things to do today... psd the announcement foto, organize, research on wedding thing...(sigh), take time to draw, research gallery to visit for 1st thurs, fig out how to design A's website, register for french class n painting class. don't kno how many i will actually get done, since internet always get in t/way, esp the gaming, haha. but at least, i got the blog part done.


nye 2009->2010

01.04.10: drizzling all day.
activities: yoga, errands, write, massage.

when i returned from x'mas visit to southern cal, we had plans to do a road trip either to VC or somewhere nearby... then on the day it snowed big time in portland, i became violently ill, tht was on 12.29.09. i had spent the day in Beaverton, running errands, hanging out. it started to snow big time n by early evening, while trying to drive home, it was traffic everywhere. ths snow has caught everyone off guard cuz i guess rain was expected instead. it took us 2 hrs to drive the 8 miles into town, once ther, we were stuck on 2 blocks for another hr. we gave up driving like many many ppl out ther n left t/car safely parked n wnt to eat at higgins. walking in t/snow w/out hat nor proper shoes was def a contributor to my sudden illness later, but i'm thinking the bug was prob ther already fr/hanging out w/kids who had passed it along... my body was fighting it off n was unsuccessful b'cuz o the wet hair n feet as we then walked on home after a quick bite.
i described it as "violent" cuz it came on so suddenly as i retched out everything in my body in all possible directions until ther was nothing left but air in my body n aching joints tht made it impossible to rest properly. i had lost all the energy i normally hv. i did finally fell asleep.
i was thankful to hv someone so caring with me, remembering to chk my temperatures. n of course t/aide o my dad's various medicines to help me thru the worst.
it wasn't until the next day i had a slight fever tho. by late afternoon, the aches gone n fever has broken. i ate some crackers n drank some juices n held it all down. then i was fine by nitefall. amazing recovery. i must've lost some o t/wt i finally gained over t/holidays. somewhere around 2lbs? wii fit says 1.5 but tht was according to the last weigh in 45 days ago. so long as i don't dip below 100, i'm ok. tho i do prefer to b at 105lbs. happy wt.

in the end, ther's no travel plans b4 nye as we had wished to do! but k was able to plan something quickly on top o our orig scheduled pink martini concert tht nite. gathering at eddy's (nice pad) n dinner at west cafe (not so great) then walk over to schnitzer for t/concert (2nd show o t nite by PM) when they perform in pdx, they hv amazing gathering force. it's a larger string n wind section, then ther's the choir ths time. amazing music of course. the song after countdown was our favorite, "sing!" for finale/ encore, was "brazil" w/another set o brazilian drum section and carnival dancers. the stage n isles were filled w/ppl n balloons (red came home w/us)
altho i'm not out partying or dancing or being in craziness, it is still amazing fun. when i heard the title song o PM's 4th album, Splendor in the Grass, it touched me deeply. i remember in paris w/my sister Chris, n we'd look at ea/other n kno tht all's well w/us, no matter our disagreements, etc... ther's always us together even if we'r on diff sides o t/pacific. i beleive ths song is my theme o 2010. ths is the lyrics to t/song...
I can see you're thinking baby
I've been thinking too
about the way we used to be
and how to start anew

Maybe I'm a hopeless dreamer
maybe I've got it wrong
but i'm going where the grass is green
if you like to come along

Back when i was starting out
I always wanted more
but every time I got it
I still felt just like before

Fortune is a fickle friend
I'm tired of chasing fate
and when I look into your eyes
I know you feel the same

All these years of living large
are starting to do a sin
I wont say it wasn't fun
but now it has to end

Life is moving oh so fast
I think we should take it slow
rest our heads upon the grass
and listen to it grow

Going where the hills are green
and the cars are few and far
days are full of splendor
and at night you can see the stars

Life's been moving oh so fast
I think we should take it slow
rest our heads upon the grass
and listen to it grow

voilà, c'est le premiere ecrit cet anneé. je souhaite contente à tout, à ma famille n mes amis. à la prochaine.
p.s. i want to thank the nice comment A has written recently on my blog. i didn't realize ther were readers other than my frnds. very encouraging thought. tks!