5.28.2004

it's been a nice week so far...

eugene came to visit from last sat til yesterday...
he's recovering from his jet-lag of draggin himself across the globe from mid-east, nyc, to LA. while i'm recovering from many weeks of hermit-like existence to work on the family catalog design. on the first day he's here (sunday) i dragged him to a psych-trance beach party.
he was soooooooo pooped, and a good sport to come n spend the day outdoors with me n my frnds. of all the ppl on t/beach, he prob thought we were all sorta nutty... then we drove all t/way down to monterey park region to eat taiwanese food.
so we'd wake up slowly and hv a slow start of the day.
visit LACMA, the Getty, and eat nitely at a diff Japanese restaurant.
poor eug. japanese food everyday. hope he didn't mind too much. i'm not much of a host, but at least the weather in LA area held up, always clearing to blue blue sky and beautiful sun. it's been really nice hanging out.
and warmer than when we were in budapest, all chilly and gray, and freezing in nyc when we returned from dat trip! boy!
on wed, i dragged eug down to irvine, he hung out with my frnd jimmy chou while i worked a bit. did manage to eat another japanese place before i send him off on the train to his family in san diego.
r u sick of japanese food yet?

update: here's a really nice foto of eugene when we hung out the following week for coffee...

my conflicts

i hv just read the FOUR AGREEMENTS.
i find it something i can digest quite well, what it's saying.
it's very similar in wht i think, at least some of it.
it points out to me things i think is very powerful... yet not an easy task to achieve.
being impeccable with my words, being aware of the magic (black or white) it weaves over people.
not taking what is said against me personally,
and all tht... well, some of it i can manage. but a portion of it bugs me... how can i not b judgemental on people when i can't follow thru here...
i don't wanna judge her for her actions, but she hurt me personally... is this being too harsh?
cuz i m conflicted about how to achieve this.
since i m not talking to this psycho chick anymore.
this is my conflict.
i'm almost tempted to b friendlier again.
but my brother and friends r right, some people should just b cut from our lives.
today,
i watched count of monte cristo.
n i realized, i can't really b so naive anymore about ppl and their INTENTIONS.

5.20.2004

late late nite hours

it feels good to hv company when working this late. it's 2am, and i can't believe i'm actually done with the catalog design!!! wow. amazing.
altho i am a little bummed that i missed matthias spin at the Good Hurtz tonite. so sad.
i was really aiming to finish lot earlier to catch him spin :-(
o well, i guess i'll try this weekend at the beach. dat should b more fun anyhow.
-------
this is the first time anyone has ever stayed with me to work this late b4, and i really think it helps.
totally appreciate kathy's help.
wl hv to get her some nice cookies or dinner!
-----
signing off.... not to sleep tho, too wide awake now.

5.14.2004

drip drip drip

"In our lifetime there is only one person we must encounter, one person we
must meet as though we were passionately in love. That person is the
essential Self, the true Self. As long as you don't meet this Self, it will
be impossible to find true satisfaction in your heart, to avoid feeling that
you lack something..."

written by Harada Roshi.
-----------------
as i'm sitting here w/tivo playing tv on backgrnd,
working, not slept in a long while.
my frnd im'd this quote to me.
beautiful.
it's a beautiful thing to share w/friends what u come across in daily life...
-----------------
i just wish some people can see thru all this search for the other love and c tht t/person who needs it most is the self.
it's alrdy ther. no need to search. wander t/world only to realize it's the interior landscape of our heart tht glows & matters.

5.12.2004

as i'm sitting here...

i'm a little disturbed.
recently i've been burnt by a "friend"
should she be excusable because her actions r not completely "sane" b'cuz she has a "disease"?
does that make what she does to people OKAY?
i've been fighting with this idea.
i can't find it in my heart to forgive her just yet, not when she is still out there burning all of my friends.
and just because one has depression doesn't make it ok for her to treat people like she is doing.
it doesn't mk her actions ok b'cuz she's "sick".
i wish i've never came across this person in my life.
it made me realized that there r people who's intentions aren't real nor pure of heart.

perhaps i can meditate on this more and learn to forgive; i would have to learn to have a big heart first.
right now, it isn't that grand.

rumi...

this is a poem introduced to me by a beautiful soul in poona,

Become a person of the heart
—or at least the devotte of one;
Or else, you will remain
like a donkey stuck in the mud.

If one has no heart,
one can gain no benefit;
In wretchedness, one
will be famous in the world.

----by RUMI

here's his pick...
"Dear Sophia,
Here is another one of Rumi’s gifts out of this wonderful little book;
*
Looking at my life

I see that only Love

has been my soul’s companion.

From deep inside

my soul cries out:

Do not wait, surrender

for the sake of Love."

5.11.2004

yipee yee yee

thanx to henry's helping aim msgs, i'm learning little by little about bloggin n t/fun of it.
:-)

it's another day

this is a year of many changes.
it makes me more and more aware of how fragile we r, being here.
our existence.
our little personal dramas seems so huge, but in reality, in comparison to the world, it's nothing.
why mk it worse?
yet ther r some friendships in our life we need to let go.
disassoicate.
let go.
breath,
letting go is easier said than done...

5.06.2004

a Poem by Wistawa Szymborska,
this is something new to me, touches my heart with its beauty.
.................................
NOTHING TWICE...

Nothing can ever happen twice.
In consequence, the sorry fact is
that we arrive here improvised
and leave without the chance to practice.

Even if there is no one dumber,
if your'e the planet's biggest dunce,
you can't repeat the class in summer:
this course is only offered once.

No day copies yesterday,
no wto nights will teach what bliss is
in precisely the same way,
with exactly the same kisses.

One day, perhaps, some idle tongue
mentions your name by accident:
I feel as if a rose were flung
into the room, all hue and scent.

The next day, though you're here with me,
I can't help looking at the clock:
A rose? A rose? What could that be?
Is it a flower or a rock?

Why do we treat the fleeting day
with so much needless fear and sorrow?
It's in its nature not to stay:
Today is always gone tomorrow.

With smiles and kisses, we prefer
to seek accord beneath our star,
althought we're different (we concur)
just as two drops of water are.